OK this email comes with a caveat:


I absolutely do not condone drug-taking….


However, as I am sure many of you did,

in my teens I did ‘experiment’ with smoking,

drinking (still ‘experimenting’ with that!)


And a bit of weed.


(Never touched any chemical drugs – the

thought has always terrified me!)


Now this one time, my friend Jules’ parents were

away for the weekend.


Jules & I were only 15 at the time.


But she had an older brother who

was pretty ‘responsible’, so they were

left ‘home alone’ under Martin’s care.


Jules’ house was awesome, they had a

swimming pool and lovely gardens and two

sitting rooms.


(One of which was apparently

‘haunted’ and gave us hours of entertainment

‘camping’ out in there and scaring the sh*t

out of ourselves.)


It was generally an awesome place to hang

out. So I did. A lot. And her parents knew

it was a given that I’d be there all weekend too

and that was cool.


It was a gorgeous summer,

and so on the first night, Martin invited a few pals



We used the pool, had a few beers (which I

hared but drunk anyway because that’s what

you do when you are 15 and there are a load of

‘cool’ 17 year old boys around)….


Was fun!


And the boys made hash brownies.


Jules and I at this point were pretty ‘innocent’.


But keen to impress we were up for trying

out the brownies…


(Not that, I am sure, it did anything to impress

in the least!)


Well….. You can imagine – the cocktail of

beer, sun, excitement (we were pretty giddy anyway)

and hash brownie made for a LOT of giggles.


Pretty sure the boys must have been

rolling their eyes at us!


Anyway my lasting memory of that night,

is Jules and I RAVENOUS hitting the fridge.


It was, of course, well stocked by Jules’ mum

so nobody was likely to die of starvation in her



But weirdly – the thing we picked to eat?


Not a cheese sarnie, not trifle, not even a

bag of crisps……


A whole iceberg lettuce.


I remember sitting in the middle of the kitchen

legs crossed, facing one another,

everybody else around us just doing their thing,

totally ignoring our ridiculousness,


Eating this lettuce as if it were an apple, one bite

at a time.


Shortly after that we crashed out.


Didn’t even do any ghost-hunting that night.


Woke up the next morning feeling a combo

of cool as shit and mortifyingly embarrassed.


But I guess that kind of sums up being a teenager!


So I was going to write to you about sleep today.
Then I told my friend this story and she said

I should tell you guys….


Cos it highlighted that I was clearly ALWAYS

destined to be a health coach


(what other 15 year old would pick a LETTUCE

to satisfy the munchies!)


Hanni ‘clean as a whistle’ Melnicenko


P.S. Sleep email coming up tomorrow!





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